As I forge through my journey of self-discovery and development, I realize that there are so many things that are simple and yet so elusive. Happiness is one of the most quoted of such things. Recently, while talking to someone I felt that enjoying yourself is also something people find tough. And so, it obviously got me going on the path to read and search more about this.

This is what I found…

According to Nichiren Buddhism (Nichiren was a Japanese Buddhist priest of the Kamakura period who started this branch of Buddhism), “The reason we are all here is to enjoy ourselves. To be happy and to be at ease.” (And no, this is not a license to invade another person’s space or cause discomfort to someone)

Enjoying is not always what it seems

What comes to your mind, when you hear enjoyment? A party, a vacation, surfing and posting on social media? Shopping? A recent study conducted in the University of British Columbia showed happiness (and enduring happiness in particularly) is not connected to the things that we may assume it to. So, keep in mind that enjoying may not lead to enduring happiness.

Some people were scored on a happiness scale and given $10 to spend as they wished. Their happiness scores were tested out at the end of the day after they had spent the money. Interestingly, those who shared the money or things bought from the money with others scored higher on the happiness scale than those who used the money for themselves. Who would have believed buying stuff for yourself did not really make you happy?

What comes in the way?

A lot of things, really!

Preconceived notions

The most common of all the reasons why we are not able to enjoy ourselves is our belief system. Those that we imbibe and adopt during childhood. Some common examples include:

• Those who laugh too much are frivolous
• Party going people are shallow
• If you drink, you are careless
• Man is a social animal and needs to stay within the confines of a defined society
• Alienation from society will cause problems later in life
• Saving for later is important
• There are rules that you have to obey based on family, culture, country and more
• Intellectual people are melancholy

We spend the best years of our lives living with these beliefs and not challenging them. They are entrenched so deeply in our psyche that it does not even occur to us that these are things that we can questioned. It is only when we read about other people or meet people who don’t follow these rules that we begin to question these ‘givens’. Only after we meet someone who parties really hard and laughs all the time and yet has a lot of substance, that we are shaken to think about our preconceived notions. It is only after we experience someone who smokes and drinks and yet is a good homemaker that we realize it is possible to do both.

Guilt

Another one of my favorites is guilt. People who know how to enjoy themselves sometimes feel awkward to allow it to themselves. When the world around you is complaining about the situation they are in, how can you tell them that you are having a blast? They tell you how tough life is, how they have to manage work and home, how impossible it is to live without a car and how exhausting it is to live with a certain kind of mother-in-law. Can you really tell them about how enjoyable it was to be able to spend those four days driving across the country? Are you really rubbing salt into their wounds? Is it even right to feel this way?

In addition to that, if you are so satisfied, then no one is really going to bother to help you in any way. That is something you obviously do not want to attract. So, you end up pretending your life is also full of obstacles and sometimes this becomes a reality for you too. Tell yourself something over and over again and you will eventually start believing it.

Technology

Something created to make our lives more efficient, easy and enriching has made it just the opposite of what was intended for. Social media did connect us to long lost pals and gave access to a whole new world. It was a great thing to start with and then it became a compulsion.

The ability to see the life of others at such close quarters makes us miserable. We just do not realize that what we see on our screens is not he reality but a show that has been put up for validation, accreditation, and applause. But we do know our own reality, irrespective of what we put up on our Facebook page. Instead of enjoying life the way we would like to, we end up creating selfie moments to get validation from others. If we focused on doing the things we actually enjoy, we would not really be bothered with this validation.

Technology also hinders our happiness in another way. It does not allow us to live in the moment. It does not allow us to enjoy the breeze, the birds chirping, our kids calling out for attention, our friends excitedly telling us about their experience and our spouses telling us about their day.

Expectations

Even when we choose to shatter our preconceived notions and try and break the shackles to enjoy, sometimes the expectations of others hold us back. These expectations may be expressed verbally or may be implicit in a very passive manner. So, when you plan your second vacation in three months, you can literally feel the disapproval in the air. Following someone else’s definition of how you should enjoy, will never allow you to really enjoy.

Self-Worth

There are times when you have the means, the resources and the time and yet you are not able to enjoy. Is it because you feel inside that you are not worth it? Are you just being overly critical about yourself? Whether this is what is stopping you from enjoying life or not is something you have to answer for yourself.

Biology

Last but not least, there is an uncontrollable aspect of not being able to enjoy also. The ‘happiness hormones’ that we possess are present in our bodies in certain quantities. While these can be elevated voluntarily, we are born with a range that we operate in. So while someone may be able to up their happiness hormone level from a 3 to a 6, this might be the maximum that their body is capable of. On the other hand, someone whose range lies between 5 and 9, will be able to elevate enjoyment much further. So, there are some people who cannot help being low and melancholy. But the important thing to remember is that they can be elevated to some extent and we can do the things we can do to ENJOY!!

I am not going to attempt telling anyone how to enjoy life. It is a subjective thing and if you have an open mind, you will look for the things that are keeping you from enjoying life to the fullest. So do your thing, go for that movie every week, eat out 3 whenever you feel like it, go for that hike you always wanted to, spend a day binge-watching the next season of your favorite series – just do it without guilt, without fear of judgment and with the belief that You Are Worth It!