If you think perfectionism is a great thing, think again. This Perfectionism Series will help you identify signs of perfectionism, reveal the dangerous outcomes and help you manage your perfectionism!

I sometimes wonder when my journey as a perfectionist began. I cannot remember a specific incident or moment in my childhood or formative years when this quality may have gotten instilled in me. However, I do clearly remember the events in my life that led me to give up this flag that I was waving in my own face. This post is dedicated to all those who need to wake up, realize that they are perfectionists and let go!

What is a Perfectionist?

A perfectionist is someone who has extremely high standards and will not accept anything less than perfection. It does not mean that the perfectionist is perfect in what they do because perfection is subjective in most of the practical areas that we operate in (while it may seem possible in theorical models and theory).

In psychology perfectionism is a trait where the individual strives for flawlessness. They have high performing standards for themselves and others around them too. They are masters at self-criticism and almost always have issues with regards to how the others are performing or how well they are trying.

Are you a Perfectionist?

While this trait can be all-encompassing, it is possible that you may be a perfectionist in a specific area and not in another. For example, you may be very particular about your output in a presentation and may want to have a perfect product before you go out there and speak in front of people. But you may not so particular about the way you dress up or the brands you are seen wearing. Here are some warning signs that can help you self-diagnose.

Zero or One approach

Perfectionists sets goals that are extremely difficult to meet. They are great sloggers at using the proverbial whip and egging themselves on as they are with others. What a perfectionist will fail to notice is that an almost perfect achievement or accomplishment is not good enough for them. A personal example would be the time when I received the highest percentage in my first public exam from among all my cousins. My parents wanted to throw a party for all relatives to celebrate my success and I was heartbroken because I did not get the percentage that I had aspired for. I completely failed to see the distress that I was causing my parents by refusing to be at any such party! Plans were shelved and I moped for many days.

Critical outlook

Perfectionists are not partial about criticism – they dole it out to themselves and others alike. They tend to spot small mistakes and imperfections and tend to get judgmental about everything that they see or whoever they meet. Sometimes perfectionists rationalize the criticism that they dole out to others by believing that they have such standards for themselves too.

Impossible targets

Since perfectionists want to push themselves all the time, they tend to set targets that are fairly unrealistic and sometimes impossible. They justify it by stating that they should be pushing themselves to achieve more and that anything lesser, that does not almost kill them in the process, is not good enough.

Excessive focus on results

A perfectionist will almost always focus on the result and forget to enjoy the process in most of the tasks that he/she chooses to do. Sometimes the focus on results becomes so big that nothing else matters including other people’s emotions, sleep, nutrition, health, or family.

Negativity on unmet goals

It becomes tough for a perfectionist to shake out of a negativity spiral when there is an unmet goal (refer back to my public exam result example I shared above). Feelings like ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I could not even get this right’ are common among perfectionists even when it does not show on the outside.

Low self-esteem

Perfectionists may seem very daunting to others with an exterior that will accept nothing but the best. But inside that go-getter exterior is someone who does not value what he/she has. Despite the capabilities that a perfectionist may have, he/she is likely to feel inadequate and judged all the time.

Fear of failure

Due to the high amount of focus on the results and outcome, perfectionists are in constant fear of failure. It is almost as if everything that they have or everything that they are is defined by success (the way they define it, which is in a perfect way).

Obsessive

A little bit of obsessiveness is a common trait of perfectionists. If you find someone fussing about the cleanliness of a room, the manner in which the shoes are kept, and other such things, you can be sure that there is an element of perfectionism in them. This trait comes from wanting to have everything right, in the right place, done in the right manner. God forbit if anyone tell them that there is no right way! Because then you will feel the fury of an opinionated and critical mind.

A lot of us believe or have believed that perfectionism is a great thing. It is the will to strive harder and harder towards better and better. Nothing can be further from the truth because it leads to issues that keep you from achieving what you are capable of. It keeps you in a distorted world view where there is something called ‘perfect’ while in reality there is nothing like that. Perfectionism leads to a lie lived running behind an idea that is not real!

To understand the various downsides of perfectionism, check out the next post