Conflict management is a term that has been the buzzword in the corporate sectors for some time now. It is about managing the motivations, desires, goals, agendas, and operating styles of different people working as a team to ensure that work continues smoothly without any major hurdles.
For the wheel of life to progress smoothly, the conflict that needs to be managed is internal. Many of us do not pay attention to this conflict or use ineffective methods to address the issue, leading to chaos, uncertainties, insecurities, under-confidence and confusion.
What Really is Internal Conflict?
Often referred to as the war between the head and the heart, internal conflict arises when you have opposing beliefs, thoughts, desires or impulses. For example, you may identify as a feminist and believe very strongly in women’s rights but you may also be religious and therefore find yourself in a position where you cannot condone abortion. The conflict arises because your religious beliefs and feminist ideologies pull you in different directions.
Often enough, conflicts arise due to the manner in which we have been raised and then the specific beliefs that we may have adopted and internalized as we grow up. Conflicts cause cognitive dissonance and need to be addressed to achieve clarity in life.
Broad Categories of Conflict
While conflicts can occur in any arena (like relationship, work environment, work ethics, religious beliefs, moral dogmas etc.) below are the main broad areas of conflict that exist:
Freedom vs. Security
All of us who have heard of terrorist attacks and gone through a discussion about freedom versus security will understand this type of conflict. While we may want to be free to do the things we want, we also want to have the security that comes with its own set of hassles and issues. Who gets the upper hand here? Does the individual’s right to do what he or she wants come above the security of the public?
This is also a conflict that takes place in your own mind when you want to do all the adventurous things in the world but are sometimes held back because of the need to be safe and secure. You want to feel the exuberance of being free and unobstructed on your travels but you are also worried about the risk at which you put yourself when you travel alone or go into unchartered territories.
Should you feel free to try a new job and loosing the security of the old one? Should you change your industry because you want the liberty of experiencing new areas or should you stick to the one that you qualified in? You want to live in different parts of the world but you also do not want to give up the security and comfort of your homeland.
Certainty vs. Uncertainty
Certainty is the area of comfort zones. It is the area where you know what to expect. It is the place where you can predict what will happen in the future so that you can plan and be prepared. While you may think that most people would like to stay in their ‘certainty’ areas, you would be surprised that there are many who gets pulled towards uncertainty too.
Uncertainty means potential. It is the chaos that hides the possibility of undiscovered areas and skills. The adrenaline that accompanies uncertainties and the possibilities calls out to a lot of people. These are probably the adventurous people who like to explore.
These two sides of the coin – comfort and potential – beckon the same person at times. Often when people settle down with family and/or children, they tend to sacrifice the potential to stick with the known. If this choice is made consciously, it may work well for the individual in the future. However, this is one conflict that can, otherwise wreck marriages and families too!
Fulfillment vs. Excitement
Fulfillment is the feeling of having accomplished a goal. Excitement is the thrill that you have when you are pursuing a goal. While one is the feeling at the destination, the other is the joy derived during the journey. It is similar to how some men enjoy the chase more than the actual accomplishment of the goal. It is the weird undefined sadness that you feel when you have completed a task or the feeling that you get when you finish a great book.
Should you delay the journey for as long as possible to enjoy the thrill of the process or should you reach the destination to experience the peace and satisfaction of having done it? What is the right time to actually stop running and finally sitting down to enjoy the fruits of your labor?
This is a conflict many people face close to their retirement time, especially if they enjoy their work. Even though they enjoy the work, it has been a long and tiring journey and the lure of finally resting is as high as the thrill of working.
Self-Worth vs. Significance
This conflict is a big one that plagues a lot of people these days. We derive self-worth based on the things that give us satisfaction and we obtain a stature of significance based on what is viewed by our circle of connections. With technology, this circle of connections has become extremely large and geographically unlimited.
Often, we struggle internally with decisions that will give us a feeling of self-worth versus create a position for us in society. Should you take up a job that is not so demanding to spend time with yourself and your family and trade in peace for a more powerful position on the board of directors of a firm? Obviously, these choices are not made in a vacuum and there are a lot of other aspects involved when one actually takes a decision.
Here again, a decision taken with self-awareness, knowing what you are trading off for what is the key to a more peaceful state. The question to ask always remains – Will I have to give up something to get what I want and am I ready to make that trade?
It is not uncommon for someone who chooses significance to feel that peace of mind, me-time or happiness is missing from their lives especially if they have not chosen their area of significance that is not their passion. On the other hand, those who choose to work only in areas that they love may sometimes find themselves wondering what kind of name and fame they could have achieved had they pursued a different path.
Connection vs. Congruence
As humans, we crave human connection. At the same time, we also want to avoid conflict with others. The desire to connect at a real level with people can sometimes mean being yourself at the most authentic level, something that may or may not lead to a real connection.
The internal conflict here is whether you should be your authentic self and let things pan out the way that they will or whether you should actively behave in a manner that leads to amicable congruence with other people.
Most leaders and strategists in the corporate arena today believe that there is a need to say the right thing at the right time and that one needs to behave according to the environment and context to get ahead in life. Some leaders of a different kind believe that the power that emanates from being confident while being who you are is what defines a real leader.
I cannot say that there is a sure-shot practical way to handle this matter. It is, at the end of the day, what you choose for yourself and the consequences that come with it.
Progress vs. Peace
The world is an ever-changing place and there is constant dynamic movement in various areas between chaos and order. The state of chaos demands a lot of effort from humans who have the potential to churn it into some kind of order. This is the progress that we talk about that takes a huge effort and this is what has ensured the development of the human race in the manner that we have developed.
On the other hand, the constant efforts of man to mold things into a manner that he deems fit has also led us to the kind of issues that we encounter today. While we have longer life spans, we also have weirder diseases and viruses. On one hand things have become so convenient with technology and yet humans are known to be lonelier than earlier with no sense of community.
The internal conflict of whether to continue the struggle or to allow yourself the luxury of enjoying life peacefully is one that has plagued almost everyone at some point in time.
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