Of late I have been coaching a lot of people on relationship issues and I find myself encountering a lot of people who want to be noticed and loved. Their behaviors indicate a deep desire to be paid attention to, to be pampered and romanced.

Typically, a partner relationship starts off with courting. This means there is a lot of attention. Special occasions are planned. A lot of thought is given to what the other person will like. Some of this obviously takes place when you are trying to secure the relationship and make it exclusive or to figure out where you stand in the whole play of things.

As the relationship gets secure, there is a significant drop in the amount of attention being given. To a lot of people, the chase is more thrilling than the achievement of the prize. One party out of the two is often left feeling confused about what happened. An obvious deduction is that they are being taken for granted or being used.

However, that is not always the case. It should be understood that as a relationship progresses, the needs of each individual may change. While you may want to maintain the same levels of interaction and desire the same levels of attention, your partner may see the relationship in a different light. No amount of nagging is likely to change it anyways!

Irrespective of what the reasons may be, there is almost an urgent need to stop begging or asking for attention, and here are some of the reasons why!

If it’s Forced, it’s Not Real!

How do you feel when you are made to do things that you really do not want to do? For example, remember the days when your mother asked you to clean your room and you had to do it to get some TV time. You did it grudgingly, right? You also did not give it your best!

When you literally nag or beg someone for attention, it is given grudgingly and that love is hardly real. It is forced and a series of actions are done to appease you or to avoid negative consequences.

It is not willful love and therefore it is safe to say that it is not real. What use do you have of something that is fake? By accepting such attention and (so-called) love, you are only fooling yourself into believing a falsehood and appeasing your own temporary need. As you read along, you will see how it keeps you from being yourself and getting other things you may desire!

You are Getting a Favor

When you are given attention because you ask for it, demand it even, your partner is doing you a favor by paying attention to you. The mere fact that you asked for something means you needed it and it was granted to you by the good Samaritan, your partner! Do you want the attention as a favor? Is your need so great that you have to ask for it? What does this asking, do to your personality and your psyche?

Makes you Weak

Having to beg for attention, love, empathy, and concern makes you mentally weak. It leads to thoughts of depression and loneliness. Even when others are around you, you do not feel as if you are getting the compassion, empathy, and care that you need. As you continue to want someone’s attention which is given grudgingly, you continue to gather negative thoughts about yourself. It is best to nip the devil in the bud before this inner critic becomes a fiend so big, that it becomes difficult to defeat.

Bending a Little too Much

As you continue to nag and yearn for that attention, you are likely to start doing things in order to get that love. The thoughts that come to your mind are:

• Maybe, if I bring her flowers, she will love me more
• I am sure if I cook a great meal each day, he will appreciate me
• I should make sure I do not do anything to annoy him/her

And somewhere in all these thoughts, you tend to lose your own personality, your own individualistic strengths. What is left behind is someone who even you will not be able to recognize, were you to look at a mirror that shows you, your true self!

Induces Low Self-Worth

Each of the negative thoughts that you have, eats away at your self-esteem and self-worth. This happens unconsciously, without your even understanding how and when it is taking place. It is not as if you actually think about how worthless you are. But suddenly, one day, when you have the ability to look at things a little objectively, you realize that you have not been giving yourself the love and attention that you so seek from another.

In a nutshell, begging for attention does not get real love. It kills your individuality, takes away your innate strengths, leaves you only with weaknesses, and undermines your self-worth to such an extent that you become hollow.

When that realization dawns, it can get tough to move upwards and onwards from there. But if this post helps you realize the uselessness of asking for attention, it is a great start!

For tips on how to move ahead from there, look out for next week’s post!