Fear had to be the next emotion I try and analyze with you because it is presented right opposite of Anger in the Plutchik Circle of Emotions. While anger is an approach emotion, fear is a withdrawal emotion.
How Do We Look at Fear?
Fear is considered an emotion for the weak. Chicken, spineless, shy, lacking confidence, and jumpy are some of the adjectives that are used for people who scare easy.
We think of fear as a coward’s emotion that can lead to phobias, mismanagement in life, anxiety, or fatigue. Excessive fear can indeed result in either of these, if not checked in time.
Chronic fear is also known to weaken the immune system, cause gastrointestinal issues, and decrease fertility. It leads to faster aging too. It also impacts memory, decision-making capabilities, and response time.
It is clear that fear is another emotion we consider negative because it is associated with weakness. It can breed resistance, insecurity, reduce motivation, lead to inaction, stifle emotional and intellectual growth, and hamper effective decision making.
The Necessity of Fear
Here again, does it mean that fear is an emotion that should be shunned and avoided? Absolutely not! Avoidance feeds the fear and instead of dissipating the emotion, it makes it stronger. If a parent protects a child from something that he/she fears, the object of fear is likely to grow monstrous in the child’s perception. By protecting a child (from a dog, for example), the parent is consolidating the belief that a dog is actually something to be afraid of. Additionally, the relief that the child feels when the dog is removed is significant, leading the child’s mind to believe that removal of this threat is a good thing.
Just as anger, fear is a necessary emotion too. While anger leads us to fight, fear is the emotion that leads us towards flight or freeze in the Fight-Flight-Freeze trio that has been the survival mechanism of humans for millions of years.
However, it is essential to understand that this mechanism was helpful for us when we lived in the jungle. We no longer, need to battle saber-tooth tigers or gigantic mammoths. The sources of most of our fears are not life-threatening today.
The source of fear, however, is often a chronic condition that continues to keep us in a state of high stress (with high levels of cortisol and other hormones) that can lead to a lot of health issues over time.
It, then, becomes essential for us to differentiate between real fear and fake fear
Real Fear versus Fake Fear
FEAR is often used as an acronym – Fake Evidence Appearing Real. This indicates that the fears that we feel emanate from concocted thoughts and beliefs. Life-threatening fears are almost negligible for most of us who are not in war zones, fighting for life and death.
The fears that we face most of the time come from the following:
Irrational fears – These are fears that creep into our psyche based on beliefs and thoughts. Our beliefs control what we pay attention to (confirmation bias), thus making the fear stronger. We fear we may get high cholesterol by eating fatty foods because some advertisement tells us so, to influence us into buying their brand of oil. We start to read articles that feed into this belief and voila, we fear to eat fried foods so much that we feel guilty each time we consume them. Actively looking for information that negates the belief and empowering ourselves with data is one way of overcoming this kind of fear.
Sense of uncertainty – Worry about what waits for us around the corner is a very strong source of fear. The fact is that there is no one in this world who can predict what will happen next. Lack of information or misinformation feeds into this fear. If you feel this kind of fear, arm yourself with as much data as possible and learn to interpret it correctly.
Distorted expectations – When you start to think about the future and creating nihilistic scenarios, you are essentially imagining negative outcomes all the time. Acknowledge that fear is imagination and use this amazing mind tool to imagine positive outcomes. Not only does this ban your fear, but it also motivates and inspires you into action.
Distorted memories – A large number of our fears emanate from childhood experiences. Unfortunately, we remember the emotion and forget that we are not that child anymore and can handle a lot more today. Consciously correcting those memories and looking at them objectively can help with this kind of fear.
Fear of failure – A fear that comes from a perfectionist mindset, it makes an appearance when you have low self-esteem, unable to take risks, or hate the feeling of losing control. A realization that the outcome is not in your control in ANY situation and that the only thing you DO control is your actions can help fight this mindset.
Fear of success – This is a fear one feels in the presence of an Impostor Syndrome. If you feel guilty about achieving, you can end up in self-destructive behavior, jeopardizing your own growth. Learning to love yourself and accepting your good fortune graciously is the way out of this kind of fear.
Managing Fear
Roosevelt is said to have said – The only thing to fear is fear itself. This was my mantra for a long time until I realized that even though one follows this, one can still be fearful of being afraid. It can also lead to a denial of fears when they do try to warn us of impending danger.
The mantra that I adopt now is to listen to my body when it shows signs of fear and face them. Fear is only a temporary feeling and it vanishes in the face of action.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy along with Exposure Therapy is a great way to address any kind of fear that you may have.
Young Bran asks Ned Stark (his father and Lord of Winterfell in Game of Thrones in the first chapter), “Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?”
“That is the only time a man can be brave,” his father told him.
The only way to attend to fear is to assess it, and confront it – one step at a time, if it is too much to take on in one go!
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