It is often said people tend to look towards a spiritual path or a path of emotional intelligence and self-discovery when they face some extreme difficulty in life. I have often wondered why that should be the case but it seems evident that one does not set out on a path of exploration when all is going well.
The answer, however, I realize, is pretty simple. We only open the hood of our car to see what’s wrong when the car stops working. We only google answers to questions about how to fix some software on our computers when it starts behaving weirdly and responding weirdly. So, let us take a moment to be thankful for all the tough times that we have faced because these are the times that have led us to learn more about ourselves and life in general.
Should You Be Too Comfortable?
Having understood why some people turn towards exploration and self-discovery, it is pertinent to ask why others don’t. It is easy to understand why someone would not want to rock the boat and go exploring when life seems to be moving ahead fine. But I have two arguments against that policy.
- It will not remain the same always – Life has a weird way of throwing curveballs. These are lessons for you that you need to learn from. They teach you things with the expectation that you will emerge from the chaos like a phoenix. But what if you have been living with a lack of self-awareness? What if you have no idea how to deal with the situation? Should you not prepare for such an eventuality? Just as we study to prepare for an adult and independent life during our childhood, should we not prepare to handle situations that life may throw at us?
- Are you really okay – A lot of people tend to hide under this belief that all is well! This is not an unflinching positivity that some people have but a denial to look at issues that are staring you in the face. Do you know of anyone who does not have some issues in their lives? You only have to know the reality of the other person to know that the richest of people, the smartest of people, the most popular of people, also have ‘stuff’ they need to handle.
The emotional energy we have to handle the ups and downs of life depend on how we are managing the emotional bank account.
What is the Emotional Bank Account?
The emotional bank account is a simple concept where you look at your capability of handling life’s twists and turns as a bank account. When you do things that recharge you, you add to the emotional bank account. When you knowingly or unknowingly do things that drain you, you deplete your emotional bank account. Your ability to handle a particularly stressful time depends on how much energy you have in the emotional bank account at that time.
Think of it as the ‘mana’ or ‘lives’ that you may collect while playing a video game. Your capacity to defeat the enemy (stressful or emotionally challenging situation) depends on how much you have filled up your bag with ‘mana’ or the number of lives you have collected. Each time you fight a stressful situation, you lose some mana or some lives.
In my coaching practice, I call this the Energizers versus Drainer tool.
How to Keep Adding to Your Emotional Savings Account?
There are many things that are commonly mentioned across the board as activities that energize your soul. Some of these include family time, me-time, practicing gratitude, exercising, sleeping, meditating, deep breathing, yoga, tai-chi, savoring good food, having meaningful conversations, taking a relaxing bath, or simply enjoying a good book.
However, I have found that these are just general recommendations that come from people based on what is ‘supposed’ to be good. The trick to beefing up your emotional savings account with emotional dollars is to understand this concept and then discover your own energizers and drainers.
How would you know that something really energizes you? Something that energizes you is not something that just feels good. Sure, eating a delicious yummy chocolate pastry, having a drink, or taking a relaxed bath may feel good. But does it energize you from within? Does it feel like the very core of your soul has been recharged at 100% battery? Energizers should not be looked at as activities that charge you physically (though that happens too). To really find them, you have to feel the exuberance that you feel to know for sure that this is something that can prepare you for anything to come.
It is the same for drainers too. Running for an hour may be physically exhausting but it can also be emotionally charging. Whether exercising is a drainer for you or an energizer or an indifferent activity, is something that you will have to discover for yourself.
For example, while there are a lot of things that I like doing like reading a book, having coffee, exercising, going for a walk, or watching a nice movie, the two real energizers I have discovered for myself are – trekking in the Himalayas and Road Trips. These, I call, my annual dose of sanity because they keep me going all year round when I have to handle some mundane, boring, and practical aspects of life. Needless to say, the savings bank account needs to be topped up regularly too with smaller pleasurable activities like reading and meaningful (and never-ending) conversations with friends over coffee!
A key sign of finding an energizer is that time flies and you do not realize it. You know you need to be somewhere else but nothing can tear you away from wat you are doing at the time you are experiencing an energizer. On the other hand, when you are involved in an emotionally draining activity, you are likely to be looking at the time every now and then. You would have spent 15 minutes doing the activity and it may feel like ages!
So key steps towards finding your energizers and drainers:
- Be cognizant of this concept and truly understand what energizers and drainers are
- Pinup a list with three columns on your refrigerator or whiteboard or diary – energizers, indifferent, drainers
- Think of all the things you do and classify them into these slots – redo them after understanding this concept and confirm!
- Explore other new activities
- Classify them as you go along
- Create strategies to increase the time you spend on energizers and reduce the time you spend on drainers (this may take planning)
Begin your journey of discovering your Energizers and Drainers with me today! Get in touch here!
Featured image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay
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