With so much talk about mental health, social anxiety is yet another phrase that has become very common. While I am not a fan of labels and diagnostics when it comes to mental health, I understand that these phrases sometimes need to be used to gain common understanding. So, let’s get a common understanding of what social anxiety, how it is different from feeling anxious in social situations and also discuss how we can address the concerns.
Do You Have Social Anxiety?
Who has never felt butterflies in the stomach at the thought of speaking in front of a large audience? Who has not felt self-conscious while speaking to someone we think is more esteemed than us? Who has not wondered what others might be thinking about us? And who among us has never ever avoided an event that we felt would be too uncomfortable?
Most of us would have faced these situations from time to time. Some of the most common aspects of social discomfort are related to public speaking, fear of judgment, being the focus of attention, and doubts about being able to conduct oneself. At the heart of it all lies the fear of making a fool of oneself (and each one of us describe that differently).
Having these feelings does not mean you have social anxiety disorder. If you are able to overcome these feelings and physical symptoms and go ahead and do the things you have to, it is just fine. However, if physical symptoms become excessive or if you find that you are not able to carry out your daily activities like going to school/work, asking people for directions, using public restrooms, eating in front of others, making eye contact, and the like, then there is cause for concern. I am still going to refrain from labeling you but I will say that these are situations where you may want to seek some help in overcoming these limiting behaviors.
Self Help for Social Anxiety
There are a lot of things you can do if you feel that you get too anxious when it comes to social gatherings or meeting people. Here are some steps you can take on your own.
1. Challenge your thought
At the root of social anxiety lies a fear of being judged or making a fool of oneself. In most cases, the fear comes from a repeated negative thought that one has told oneself so many times that it becomes true for you. Our negative thoughts arise from thinking patterns that can be called mind-reading, forecasting the future, or all-or-nothing thinking. Challenge these thoughts that are causing worry and replace them with positive and helpful ones.
For example, if you are feeling anxious about an upcoming presentation, your thought may be, ‘I am going to mess it up’ or ‘I am so nervous, everyone will know I am no good.’ You can challenge this thought with a simple question – How do you know you will mess it up? And then follow it up with is there a different outcome possible? Challenging these thoughts cognitively can help you see things from a different perspective.
2. Focus on being present in the moment
Excessive focus on what others think about us can leave us feeling blank and confused at times. Take your attention away from the running commentary going in your mind and focus on the specific situation you find yourself in. Be aware of the people around you, the events taking place, what others are actually saying, and realize that even if your nervousness is visible, no one is really judging you for that. Mostly, everyone has been there at some point in time!
3. Positive biofeedback
A large part of the social anxiety that you feel is rooted in your physical body. Therefore, one of the best ways to manage it includes using your body to tell the mind that ‘All is Well’. This can best be done using your breath. Focus on your breathing, inhale deeply through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale through your mouth in 8 counts. This breathing method is known to calm the body down.
4. Face your Fear
Understand the specific situation that causes you panic, anxiety, or discomfort and take steps towards facing this fear. There is no cure for a fear other than action! However, there is no need to face the fear all in one go. As always, when something seems impossible, break the task into smaller steps that are not as daunting. If you find you feel anxious about making friends, these are the steps you could try:
- Say hello to a someone you do not know
- Smile at them and ask them a question about school work or office work or the context that you see them in
- Ask them what they did over the weekend
- Ask whether you could sit on the same table during break time
- Make some small talk about a general topic
- Ask if they would like to go out for coffee/walk/drink
- Share personal information about yourself, your likes, your hobbies and interests
- Ask them about their interests
- Make it a regular habit to catch up with them
You can always take the time you need to go from one step to the next. But you should push yourself to move forward if you want to get over the anxiety completely. These tips have helped a lot of my clients who feel nervous around social situations. However, if you feel that your anxiety is getting a bit out of hand and need help in challenging your thoughts and sticking to the steps you decide to take for your social anxiety, get in touch and let’s overcome this together.
Feature image credits: Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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