5 Tips to Manage Peer Pressure as an Adult

Peer pressure is talked about mostly in the context of teenagers. I guess it is the case because this is considered to be the most impressionable age where one is influenced by their friends and peers more than parents or older relatives (even if they are cool, young at heart relatives). The thing is that these habits that get created at a young age continue seamlessly into adulthood if we do not enhance our awareness levels, change our mindset, and learn to process information differently.

Different Kinds of Peer Pressure

Not all peer pressure is bad. There are times that it can be a trigger for trying out new things, bringing out the best in you. As others influence you about different things, it can help you figure out your own likes and dislikes. When it happens at a younger age, it can give you a sneak peak into the real world and how different entities will try and influence you in various ways.

For the young this kind of positive peer pressure can come in the form of motivation to join a drama club or a debate team, exercising together, listening to music, getting involved in community activities, and even working hard to get into a good university.

Peer pressure is not always explicit and obvious. Unspoken peer pressure is felt when your group is involved in various activities and you feel you have no choice but to go along. Examples of such peer pressure include getting involved in self-destructive behavior like alcohol, drugs, skipping school, shoplifting, physical skirmishes, and much more.

Peer Pressure in Adulthood

If you think that peer pressure vanishes by the time you are an adult, you have to just look around yourself and be conscious of how many things you are doing yourself that do not really agree with. We have all heard of the ‘soccer moms’ and the kind of unspoken peer pressure they put on other moms who may be relatively chilled out otherwise.

As an adult we face peer pressure in the form of the kind of school we should send our kids to, the make and model of the car we buy, the area we choose to reside in, drinking alcohol at a social gathering, wearing designer clothes, fitting into the society’s definition of thin, and even contributing to charities.

These are easy to fall prey to if we do not address them early on.

Dealing with Peer Pressure

The first step in dealing with peer pressure is to be able to identify it. While spoken peer pressure is easy to point out, unspoken peer pressure may not be that obvious. When you live in a society that has certain rules, norms, and specific ways of doing things, the mere idea of going against them seems like a big gargantuan task.

We are wired to want to impress others and that is an evolutionary truth. For millions of years, we have had a survival need to be in groups that can ensure our protection against the elements of nature and wild animals. So, don’t be hard on yourself if you feel that you seem to be doing a lot of things that your group expects. Such behavior and response are hard-wired into our biology and neurology.

In a world where everyone is connected, where there is no difficulty in finding your own tribe, and where there is no imminent threat to your survival, we can choose to behave differently.

So here are my recommendations for dealing with peer pressure:

1. Know what you want – Think consciously about what your core values are and how they fit in with the things that you do on a daily basis. Make a list of all that you do and then categorize them into those that align with your values, those that do not align with your values, and those that are neutral.
2. Be true to yourself – This is the area where you start to reinforce your self-confidence. It is important that you remind yourself that the life that you are living is yours and that you have all the right to shape your journey in the manner that you want to. Remind yourself that this journey will come to an end at some time and make the most of it by doing what YOU want to do.
3. Learn to say no – Despite being aware, it is sometimes tough to actually say no to a friend who is pushing you towards a social event or subtly showing you down because you do not wear designer clothes. It is helpful to know ‘how to say no’ so you don’t get pulled into something you do not want to be a part of.
4. Disregard the critics – As an independent adult, ask yourself how it matters if some people think you are weird. There will always be people who do not agree with your lifestyle, your hobbies, your other friends, your choice of music, or something else. If you do want to have a voice in your own life, then you have to know what you want to do, do it, and disregard those who do not agree.
5. Create your tribe – Knowing what you want and standing tall confidently is great but we do need the help and support of others from time to time. Create your own tribe. Make friends who are interested in the things you are interested in. You could have as many different groups as you want – a trekking group, a coffee group, a school mom’s group, a workplace group, a music enthusiast group. You get the idea! Surrounding people who understand your choices and respect them provides some sense of comfort. Watch out lest you fall prey to any of their subtle peer pressures!

It is when we find ourselves lacking in self-confidence that we tend to conform. When we know that we can fight the odds alone IF we HAVE to and stand tall being truly true to ourselves, we do not need to bow down to ANY kind of peer pressure.  

Feature image by: Gerd Altmann from Pixabay