Man is a social animal. If I had a penny each for the number of times, I have been told this, I would be rich! The thing is that I am a weird combination of extrovert and ambivert. While I find myself completely comfortable around people and have no issues talking to them about any topic, I would rather spend my time alone or with my tribe.
What Makes us Social Animals?
So, am I saying that man is not a social animal and that we do not need one another?
Absolutely not!
I am saying that we should understand where this need (to have people around us) comes from. Once understood, it can help solve a lot of mysteries for us.
The anxiety that we feel when we are alone, comes from a deep evolutionary and biological coding that is ingrained inside us. It comes from the millions of years of being hunter-gatherers where we did not have cushy and comfortable homes to protect us from wildlife. Even today, if you were living in the wild or went on a trek, you would rather have a companion to ensure higher chances of survival.
This coding that has been etched into the very fabric of our cellular memory makes us anxious in various ways when we start to disconnect from other human beings. It shows up as loneliness, panic, fear of being left alone, fear of missing out, fear of being judged, validation seeking, anxiety, and comparisons.
It even shows up physically when the body starts to crave a hug, a cuddle, or a comforting touch. This occurs when the oxytocin levels drop drastically and one needs the comfort of another person to feel better. When natural connections fail, we tend to look for alternate ways in which to increase oxytocin like massages, yoga, music, or meditation.
In a nutshell, it is a learned memory from the days when we needed other people around us for our survival that we crave company today.
Advantages of Being a Social Animal
Our survival may not be threatened by wild animals anymore. But there are still other aspects of living that threaten our wellbeing. There is still security in numbers and that is the very reason why religious groups, communities, societies, and nations are formed. Life does not seem too overwhelming when we have a group of people we can depend upon if the going gets tough!
Given the nature of our evolution and biology, being a social person increases longevity, reduces the risk of a stroke, boosts the immune system, relieves mental and physical pain; and most of it due to the release of this neuropeptide hormone called oxytocin.
Socializing expands our horizons, allows us to learn about other kinds of cultures and societies, and helps us become more inclusive.
Disadvantages of Being a Social Animal
So, what is the problem, then? We are biologically tuned to be social and helps us stay physically and mentally fit.
There are some complex issues that emerge as we go down this journey of being social. The concept of socialization has expanded immensely over time. Today, it is no longer about connecting with other people in the village or county. It is not even about connecting with people of your own culture in the nation. The stage for socializing is the world! This means that there are too many avenues for socialization – not to mention the explosion that social media is creating.
Based on this context, socializing takes time. If one has to keep up with the others, then it means gathering numbers that come with followers of online friends. Sometimes this means being ‘friends’ with people you may not even like. That works counterproductive to what socializing is meant to achieve because it ends up causing more anxiety than calm.
As we socialize, we form groups. Certain kinds of groups can be a great comfort in our times of need as we know from all the various kinds of support groups that exist. Other groups that are formed based on belief systems can actually induce more exclusion than inclusion as is evident from the chaos caused by factions fighting for their rights! When you believe in something too ardently as a group, you feel comfortable forcing it on others (religious fanaticism is a typical example). If you believe in something strongly but believe it alone, you are not likely to go ahead and get violent about it (we are too smart to do such harm to our survival).
The third and probably most sacrilegious aspect of socializing is that it takes us away from knowing ourselves. As we spend all the free time that we have meeting people, having parties, liking posts, putting up our own, and chatting, we completely miss out on looking inside, developing our ‘own’ character, and becoming truly independent.
Always Balance!
As always, balance is the name of the game.
Socializing is important to maintain that oxytocin level in our bodies and to keep ourselves feeling good.
Too much of it and we lose ourselves and never really figure out what we truly want. This happens because we get so caught up in societal definitions of things, collective belief systems, social movements, and the like that it takes years to understand who we truly are. And only after that can work begin towards ‘being yourself’ and shining with your own personal charm! (which by the way is the only way you can shine).
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