One of the most significant challenges to all my arguments about happiness has been how happiness causes one to become too relaxed and mellow to have determination, ambition, or the competitive edge to succeed.

The thing is that happiness and success may be correlated to some extent as is so evident in the quote, “Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle”. However, money or success is not the cause as is evident from the fact that there are many successful people who are not happy and many (so-called) not successful people who are.

Success and Happiness do not have a Cause-and-Effect Relationship

Some might say that exceptions do not prove the rule and just because there are some successful people who are not happy does not mean that success cannot confirm happiness. The argument holds true, especially because proving it is tough.

For one, happiness, and more specifically the pursuit, has become a trend and people do not like to admit when they are not happy, least of all publicly successful people. In fact, the reality that they know they are not as happy as they project leads to more unhappiness. We are less happy because we are not happier!

Secondly, attributing contentment and wellbeing to success can be done only from an external point of view. What exactly led to their mental wellbeing is not something that can be proved.

Is Bill Gates happy? Is his happiness due to the immense popularity and money that he has obtained? Is it because of the altruistic work that he is doing today? Was he happy when he was struggling? Were his relationships the foundation for his happiness? Did he find something else that we are not aware of? All this only IF he is happy, though.

Also, success is not all about money. It can be defined in any way that you like. There are people who think they will be happy if they are thin or they will be happy when they can lift double their body weight in a deadlift or they will be happy when they win a gold medal in the Olympics and the list goes on. However, you may define success, assuming that happiness will follow arm in arm along with success and stay there. This belief can actually shave off years of happiness, especially if you do not learn this life lesson fast enough!

Faulty Ways to Think about Success and Happiness

Based on this faulty assumption about how these two aspects are related, people largely tend to fall into one of these two categories:

Happiness on Hold

Image by Ernesto Eslava from Pixabay

These are people who believe that they will be happy when they are successful. And for that, they keep happiness on hold, to be experienced once they achieve their goal. It is almost as if they fear that if they allow themselves to be happy, they will become complacent about their goal.

It is also important to differentiate happiness from pleasure. The emotion that you may feel when you achieve something is ‘pleasure’. It is transient and lasts for a certain amount of time. Think of it as climbing a mountain. The elation that you feel when you reach the peak lasts for a few minutes before it is time to trek back again.

Happiness is an emotion and all emotions are caused by the thoughts that we think. Thoughts are governed by the things that we pay attention to and with some practice, it is possible to control our thought and beliefs. Thinking happy thoughts makes us happy. Paying attention to what we have and not to what we do not have, also makes us happy.

And no, not paying attention to what you do not have does not take away your motivation to act! Especially, if you are engaged in doing something that you enjoy (which is why it is highly linked to enjoying the journey, focusing on the process, being in a state of flow …). If you enjoy the act of trekking (and not just being at the top), then you have understood happiness completely.

The Greater Good Science Center (a UC Berkely initiative) publishes a magazine called Greater Good Magazine where you can find great ideas based on research that can help you understand happiness better.

Success as Sacrifice

Then there are others who feel that they are already happy and therefore, do not need success. It is almost like feeling that success will come at the expense of happiness and that if they try and pursue success, their joy will go away.

It is not success that takes away happiness but getting attached to a goal or thinking that does. In fact, happiness can be a vital force that can propel success. However, it has to be without attachment.

“Being okay if it happens, and okay if it does not, is a very powerful place to be”

So go ahead, define your success in whatever manner you want to, based on the things that motivate you, frustrate you, make you angry about the world and pursue these goals fueled with the knowledge that your happiness is not dependent on the achievement of these goals.

Get in touch if you want to start defining your goals for success or understand how to be detached as you achieve your success.

Featured image by: Jess Foami from Pixabay