One of the questions that I ask in the intake form that gets me started with a new client is – Tell me about yourself. In this question, I provide triggers that help them answer this question and I ask them specifically about their work, their family, their social life, their personality, their hobbies, and their role models.

I find myself applauding people who state that they do not really have role models. I deep-dived into that thought and found this write-up waiting for me to be written.

Numerous books have been written about the habits of successful people, the time management techniques CEOs use, and the personality traits of the big and famous. Those looking to achieve the life, popularity, wealth, and/or lifestyle of specific people lap them up quickly and voraciously.

As a coach, I have come across numerous people who read these self-help books and find these concepts very interesting and illuminating (because indeed they are). The unfortunate aspect is that they do not experiment with those and see if the tricks or traits apply to them or not.

Mindlessly emulating successful people has many dangers.

The key to their success is not and cannot be the key to your success.

Danger No. 1 – External Definition of Success

For most of us, success is being defined by the external world today. It is no longer possible for most people to think about what they want without the influence of what others think, what the trend is, and the industries that have high demand. The internal aspect of ‘what is it that I can do that gives me joy’, is completely lost. In fact, career guidance is all about educating the youth about what industries are likely to be in demand when they are ready to face the world on their own so that they can prepare accordingly. It has never been about looking inside and figuring out your personal purpose so that you can make a difference and be happy at the same time.

Danger No. 2 – Desire for the End-Result

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

What we see when we look at successful people is the end result of what they have achieved. It is only after they have gotten there that we get to (sometimes) hear about the struggles that they faced and what they learned along the way.

We tend to look at the adulation entrepreneurs get and we want to start our own company. We look at the fan-following and lifestyle of the rich and famous and decide that money is the route to our happiness. We take one look at the coterie of people supporting the high and mighty and want a taste of that power.

What we miss out on is the real story – the journey behind that destination. What you probably see is only a minuscule proportion of the reality that a successful person lives. The hard work, the pain, the uphill climb, and the falls are recreated memories that suit the ‘success story’.

The question to ask is whether you want the adulation, power, success, and wealth alone, or do you want all that comes with the journey as well? Will you be able to enjoy the struggles as much as the successes?

Danger No. 3 – Memory is Mesmerizing

When you emulate a successful person, you base your life on copying something they did. Remember they are sharing their journey with you based on how they have recreated the story for themselves.

You might have heard many famous people say in interviews that they always wanted to be a singer or an actor or an entrepreneur or a rebel. However, psychologists know that memories do not work like a video camera. A lot of our memories are distorted and we remember only parts of the story. We fill in the rest. In fact, it is also not common to retrofit and create some memories of our own. The journey is never so linear as it is made out to be after the fact. It is almost always a roller coaster ride.

Sure, there are many great habits that you can pick from the long list of getting up early, exercising, eating right, being in the flow, having the passion, not giving up, being creative, doing it against all odds and the list goes on. However, picking those mindlessly is the problem.

When we start idolizing someone, we tend to become blind to the flaws of that person. Everything that this person does is amazing and therefore we have to follow it. However, while meditating might work for some CEOs to get things going for them, it may not be the right time for you if it gets you into overthinking drive.

Danger No. 4 – Survivorship Bias

Those we consider successful are the select few who made it to the top. By definition, these are the people whose strategies worked. This is why we feel that by emulating their habits, qualities, styles, and practices, we shall be able to get to the top.

However, we have not taken into consideration the thousands of other people who may have adopted the ‘same’ strategies but not become popular. Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of college, followed his passion, and created Facebook. Should you also treat college with a flair of disdain and follow whatever idea comes into your head right now? What about the tens of thousands of people who did drop out of college and then did not become Mark’s clones?

Behind every successful person are hoards of those who probably did exactly the same things (in their own way of course, since doing it exactly as the other is not possible) and did not reach achieve the same.

Creating, Accepting, and Loving Your Own Journey

What’s the solution, you ask? If you should not look at successful lives and base your actions on habits and traits that made successful people what they are, then what should a ‘not-yet-successful’ person do?

This would probably take some time to explain and definitely more time to unpack for specific individuals. But in a nutshell:

• Look Inside
• Find what gives you joy
• Create the journey that you can love
• Accept that this is how your uniqueness will shine through
• Love your choice with all your heart

The rest will follow! And even if it does not, the journey is so beautiful that you do not care where your reach!

If you want to figure out your journey for yourself so that you can live a fulfilled life and want to start the process now, contact me and we can start this amazing discovery process.

Featured Image by Ulrike Leone from Pixabay