Doing what you want and truly desire is really what empowerment is all about. The bigger challenge, however, is not doing what you want to do but knowing what you truly want.
This is not to say that doing what you want is easy. But it is to emphasize that when you truly know what you want, the actions that need to be taken come easy.
As an empowerment coach, I realize that when my clients are able to tell what they truly want and have thought through it in all ways possible, they are able to actually carry out the tasks with ease and comfort that they were not aware of.
What Stands in the Way of Knowing What You Want?
Some of you may think it is so silly to say that I do not know what I want. Of course, you know what I want. I want financial freedom, or a loving relationship, or a happy home.
Vague Desire
A ‘loving relationship’ or ‘financial freedom’ are ill-defined concepts and phrases that we have heard and adopted. The first thing to know is that these concepts mean different things to different people. Before you are able to know what you truly want, you need to be able to define these phrases in a more concrete manner to yourself.
Make sure that what you define as your true desire is not a vague thing like ‘peace’ or ‘happiness’. You may need to break down what it means to you, how does it show up in the world, what you may need to do to get there, what might you have to give up in order to get this, and much more. Also, define how having this desire will look like to you and how you will know that you have it. Only after you have considered these aspects can you begin to start acting on your desires.
Fear of Failure
Sometimes the thing that you truly want can be a simple thing like a dream job or the ability to do something. We are not able to identify it easily because we are subconsciously afraid to state it to ourselves clearly. The fear that we may know what we want and still not be able to achieve it keeps us from admitting to ourselves what our true desire is.
To overcome this, you can choose to give yourself permission to fail. Another way to surmount this challenge is to look at what you truly desire as a process or something you want to do (encourage reading among children, bring digitization to the world, help people avoid internet frauds, enhance mental health awareness) rather than a destination or something you want to possess (a large 5-bedroom bungalow, the latest gadgets) or someone you want to be (CEO, wife, Instagram influencer, fashionista).
External Influences
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
The highly connected world today makes it difficult to hear our own voice amidst the humdrum, jubilation, boasts, and motivational speakers. As you surf the internet, hear what other people say, and pay attention to the things that are rewarded, it is very easy to miss that internal voice that is the only thing that can tell you what you truly desire. Without even being aware of how it happened, we define our desires based on what the world thinks is the best thing to do. There is enough choice for everyone and so they tell us that you are making your own choice. But that is not true at all. What if your true desire is not among the 1,367 options that you are aware of?
Shutting out all external influence can be tough to accomplish. However, genuine desires always correlate with what is possible for you. You may need to work on your ability to listen to yourself by finding some time each day to be still and without any distraction. You may need to also learn how to identify when the desire is really something external, being influenced by external factors, or truly something that emanates from within. Allow these thoughts to come into you from a place of worthiness and abundance and you will soon discover how the answer may surprise and delight you.
Conscious Unawareness
It is also possible that you already have what you truly want but have just not given it conscious thought. This is typically the case when you have not thought about what you truly want and have unconsciously chosen to focus on the things that you do not have.
Getting over this hurdle is relatively easy if you can make yourself think about what you want and then acknowledge to yourself that you already have it. This may require you to also focus on the good things that are already happening in your life. A gratitude journal can help you pay more attention to what you have so that you can cherish and enjoy it completely. This does not mean an end to other things that you may desire and want. It is a path that you are on and you will always have more steps to take along that path.
Inability to take the leap
Often, we are just not able to come up with what we want. The answer that comes up when we ask ourselves this question – ‘what do I really want’, is a blank or an ‘I don’t know’.
If you hit such a blank, ask yourself what you would say if you DID know what you wanted. Give yourself permission to dream without confining ideas. What would you do if you could do anything? Allow yourself to be delighted by what comes up in your mind. To ensure that you remain grounded in reality and not give in to flights of fancy, it is a good idea to envision your ‘best possible self in the future’. This is a technique often used in coaching sessions. (Reach out if you want to experience the power of this technique).
Following the steps mentioned above will bring up fear. It is the most obvious thing to happen. It would be foolish to assume that taking a leap (even if it is in your mind right now) will not bring up thoughts of possible failure, doubts in your capabilities or skills, and an uneasy feeling in your stomach.
It is essential that you allow yourself to feel that feeling. Know that the mind is not programmed for desires. It is programmed to see potential challenges and hurdles far more easily than possibilities and this is based on evolution and survival.
But also give as much focus to the feeling you get when you are living your dream and best future self. I can assure you that the feeling of empowerment that you will have when you allow yourself to know what you want is indescribable.
Featured image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Knowing self is easier said than done! But once we know ourselves, knowing and realising our true desire becomes easy. You are so right, sometimes we achieve what we want but are so focussed on what we don’t have that we cannot enjoy our achievements.
Knowing self is easier said than done! – I agree that it is easier saif than done but I then wonder….how easy is living with the numerous external things (people, societies, religions, communities, relatives, friends, news reporters, etc etc) telling us how we should be?
More confusing and tough, me feels!