One of the main reasons I am writing about this topic today is because we are all trying out new things in these changed and unexpected times. Each one of us is moving out of our comfort zone. Whether it is trying a new recipe for dinner, exercising at home instead of the regular gym, working from home, creating a video, recording a podcast, or connecting with prospective clients, friends, or family over video calls and webinars.
Moving out of your comfort zone is not easy at any time. It is uncomfortable and we only ever embark upon it when we know that staying there can be more harmful than not experimenting or venturing out. We do that when we know that staying in a comfortable place will lead us to rot, to experience no growth, in any way!
As soon as we decide to embark on a new activity or a new area, the first roadblock that we face is our inner critic. And today, I want to address how to handle this internal demon in order to take the very first step towards unchartered territories that may be full of opportunity and potential.
How Does the Inner Critic Affect Us?
Not only does the inner critic hold us back from doing things that we could do, but it also keeps us from having a great life. It is the voice in our heads that keeps us from being all that we could be, from achieving our potential.
It also has a very crippling effect on self-esteem, self-confidence, and everything that allows us to be in control of our lives. It pushes us down and does nothing in the name of motivation or support.
How does the Inner Critic Manifest Itself?
The inner critic is the voice inside your head that tells you things like:
- I’m are not good enough
- I’m dull and boring. I cannot possibly hold the attention of a group.
- I hope she does not pick me for the presentation. I know I’ll be awful and then embarrassed.
- No one loves me and no one ever will.
- He broke up with me because I am no good.
This voice is incessant. It goes on and on. Those who pay some attention to the chatter in their mind will at least be able to identify this voice inside the head. A lot of people do not even understand that there is something going on. The inner critic becomes so much a part of their personality that it just merges into their being!
Silencing the Inner Critic
A series of steps can be taken in order to stop limiting yourself and realizing your full potential.
1. Identify
Each one of us have our own unique inner critic and the things that we hear are different. The first step is to be able to understand that each one of us has this voice that speaks to us. Well, it is our own thoughts but it is the part of us that is holding us back. To be able to identify the critic, you need to pay attention to the thoughts that are emerging. This, I might add, is the first step to any kind of self-awareness. Listen to what your mind is saying to you.
2. Content
Once you are able to identify this voice in your head, keep a tab on what it says to you. It might be a good idea to actually write those thoughts down and when you do this, you will realize how ridiculous those thoughts seem. If you were to think of those statements and wonder whether you would ever say those things to a friend, you will, in all probability, say – no way! The thing to then wonder is – why are you saying those nasty things to yourself? Are you then not your own friend?
It is obvious that this voice in your head is not helping you in any way. It is now obvious that you should move towards squashing, or at least dealing with this voice so that you have an upper hand.
3. Analyze
Nothing can be controlled or managed unless you understand the core. To be able to understand the basis of the inner critic, you need to make an effort to understand how you came to think about this in a specific way. Let me share a simple example, I have been writing blogs for a while now even though I know that people do not read much and most prefer to see a video or hear a podcast. I have been avoiding this step that I need to take for my coaching practice for a long time.
Why? I was born with a voice that one would hardly call common. The best way I can describe it is – unique, definitely hoarse, or maybe gruff! See, how my limiting thoughts are emerging here. I thought about it and I know that this belief has emerged over many years. It reminds me of the number of times I was called ‘sir’ on a telephone call from an unknown party. It reminds of the number of times someone has laughed when I even attempted to sing (in a casual way of course).
For yourself, you may want to explore and develop theories of why you started to think in a certain limiting manner. In most cases, it is learned behavior that comes to us based on experiences you may have had, things that a figure you consider an authority might have said, actions of your peers, relations, or friends. Sometimes, these limiting beliefs come from belief systems that have been embedded in us from childhood, like ‘hiding the truth is a lie’, for example!
Understand that your mind creates these beliefs and your inner critic says these things as a self-defense mechanism. You do not want to be made fun of and so you stop doing something which you could do but are scared that you will be laughed at or that you will not be good at it.
4. Neutralize
Before I give you some strategies to neutralize the inner critic, there is something important that needs to be said. The inner critic is not always bad and therefore may not need to be completely squashed. The inner critic sometimes helps you in being able to grow. It is the voice that tells you that you are doing this wrong and may need to look at it from a different perspective.
When you are about to embark on squashing your inner critic, ask yourself this simple question – is what the inner voice telling me holding me back or propelling me forward? If it is holding you back, let’s learn how to slay that dragon!
Some strategies to silence the inner critic:
- Stay alert to your own thoughts at all times and notice when you hear something negative or limiting
- Ask yourself what is the basis of this thought and what is the proof that it is true
- Question its validity with data because you are otherwise likely to fall into the trap of defending your beliefs without even realizing it
- Try and look at that belief or thought from a different perspective
- Imagine you are your friend and think of what you would say to your friend if she was talking like this
- When you hear destructive self-talk, consciously decide to argue with it, ignore it or simply laugh at it. If you are a rebel like me, you may love to challenge it and simply decide that you are going to prove it wrong! (Remember always think of that destructive voice as and IT – something outside of you and not you!)
- Consider the various actions you could have taken if it were not for that voice pulling you down? I would definitely have had a podcast and a video series by now (which I am working on by the way and it took great courage for me to actually write that down!).
- Some people keep a loose rubber band around their wrist for a few weeks and use snap it lightly whenever the inner critic shows its ugly face. This works at a subliminal psychological level and you will realize how you are able to slowly reject these damaging thoughts.
- Try giving your inner critic a ridiculous-sounding voice. When destructive thoughts or limiting thoughts come to your head, change the sound of the voice to a ridiculous and funny cartoon character. A voice that makes you laugh instead of taking it seriously. It is am amazing technique to stop yourself from considering what the inner voice is saying to you seriously. It also helps you disengage from the critic and consider it an external entity. Feels extremely good sine you do not, then, consider yourself your own worst enemy.
In summary, I would say Identify, Content, Analyze, and Neutralize – and I just realized that it makes the acronym – I CAN!
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