The Circle of Emotions – Surprise

This is the last of the 8 basic emotions that I chose to write on. It is not surprising that this is the last since there is relatively little in my mind about this emotion. Interestingly, surprise is also the emotion that has the shortest life, lasting for only a few minutes at best.

How Do We Look at Surprise?

Surprise is basically a feeling of being amazed, astonished, or flabbergasted. The stimulus is almost always something that is unexpected. The trigger that starts an emotion of surprise can be as simple as a loud noise or as complicated as an extremely positive or negative news.

Surprise can be positive, negative, or neutral depending on the context it is set in.  A loud noise can set you off and give you palpitations before you can calm yourself after realizing that it is nothing to be alarmed of.

The emotion of surprise is quickly replaced with another simple or complex emotion as soon as the context is understood. When you realize that the loud noise came from something falling due to the wind or your younger brother playing a prank, your body calms you down. If the surprise is caused due to some bad news that you hear, surprise is soon replaced by anger, disbelief, or grief.

Surprise caused due to loud sounds (for example) can be categorized as the startle effect. These are even more short lived.

The Necessity of Surprise

Surprising events basically call out to humans for attention. They initiate curiosity and facilitate learning. When we encounter something new and unexpected, we are drawn towards examining it further and understanding it. Combined with interest, it is a significant trigger for exploration.

Surprise also magnifies the other emotions. A surprising positive event becomes more pleasurable and an unexpected negative event is far more painful than it would otherwise have been. This is why some people may not like being surprised.

However, it is interesting to note that those who go out of their ways to avoid surprised in life by planning and creating what-if scenarios, often find that they never really feel happy enough at a positive outcome. The missing element of surprise mitigates the pleasure of achievement (passing an exam expectedly versus passing an exam when you felt you might fail). On the other hand, planning can help reduce pain when an expected negative event occurs (sudden death of a loved one vs death caused after a long-drawn illness).

Managing Surprise

Positive surprises hardly need to be managed. They are to be enjoyed and cherished. However, I share here, some tips on how negative surprises can be handled.

1. What-if scenarios – While it is easy to dream of positive outcomes, don’t be afraid to think of all the possible negative outcomes in your head. Calmly thinking about the worse case scenarios can help you plan for whatever you can plan for.
2. Hope but do not expect – Expectations of positive scenarios can cause you great pain if the event does not occur. Think about how devastated you would be when you expected to get a job and then did not get it finally. And then again, if you do get the job and did not expect it, think of how much excitement that would give you.
3. Learnings from the past – There is no doubt that despite all scenario building, surprises will happen. At such times, do not forget about how you have managed things in the past. Specific scenarios may require different strategies but leaning on how you have successfully handled surprising events in the past can help a lot.
4. Accept the inevitable – When you are surprised despite having prepared for some possible negative outcomes, do not berate yourself about how you could have missed it. Engage in some self-compassion and once the initial shock of the news is over, accept the situation. Then start working towards what you can do next.

To see other posts on emotions, click here.

Want to be in better control when surprises do come along? Get in touch with me for an introductory call to see how coaching can help!