“The only thing to fear is fear itself”

– Franklin Roosevelt

This is the quote that I saw on a placard which (I think) lay in my father’s cupboard, the third shelf of which I was completely mesmerized with, for it contained all sorts of knickknacks that dad owned. I realized fairly late in life how this quote had shaped my personality and way of thinking. I was fairly determined not to allow the fear of fear to capsize my boat!

Little did I know that the fear of fear itself would also shape my destiny, thought process, and actions in the ways it has done.

Phobias as Fears

Fear a very basic and primal emotion that no human being is spared. There has been a lot that has been written on different kinds of fears like the fear of spiders, fear of flying, fear of death, fear of closed spaces, and more. These are essentially phobias and one can find a name for each one of them. An extremely interesting read is a list of all phobias and their names. While each of the fears is triggered due to a different stimulus, the mechanism in which they work is fairly similar.

Often there is something in the past that is the cause of the fear. Some forms of psychotherapy attempt to understand and uncover the cause in order to remove the root cause of the fear. Others, like cognitive behavior therapy use exposure therapy. The idea is to expose the fearful person to the stimulus that causes fear in small doses and under a controlled environment, leading towards (at least) practical management of the phobia.

Deep Seated Internal Fears

Phobias are far easier to identify. The source is fairly easy to isolate and then one can work towards eliminating that fear. Most of us are riddled with other kinds of deep-seated fears that are not so easy to identify. Ruth Soukup details seven kinds of fear archetypes that detail the manner in which fear manifests in our lives. Find out your own fear archetype here.

These 7 archetypes include the following:

1. Procrastinator – afraid of making a mistake
2. Rule Followers – afraid of authority and consequences of breaking the rules
3. People Pleaser – afraid of being judged or not being up to expectations of others
4. Outcast – afraid of rejection and therefore reject others before they can be rejected
5. Self–Doubter – afraid of not being worthy or capable
6. Excuse Maker – afraid of being blamed
7. Pessimist – afraid of adversity

The reason why I share these fear archetypes with you is because identifying your own specific type is the first step towards managing the fear.

The Need to Manage Fear

“You stay in your prison of fear with bars made of hopelessness and all you get are three square meals of shame, with despair for dessert.”

– Po to Master Croc and Master Ox, who have given up hopes of saving the city

Fear is not something that we need to obliterate completely. That is the mistake that the ‘young me’ made when I believed that the only thing to fear is fear itself. The idea is to understand and acknowledge that fear is a necessary emotion that has its benefits. However, like all things, when we allow them to rule us unconsciously rather than manage and control it consciously, we disempower the great power that we have within.

When we allow fear to rule us, we live in a prison of our own making. We feel hopeless and are unable to break our shackles. Deep in our hearts, the inaction also leads us towards shame. Just like Master Ox and Master Croc in Kung Fu Panda, we refuse to come out of our prison cells even when there is a Po helping us break the prison doors and open them towards a path of liberty and freedom.

Continued fear and inaction can undermine the power that we have within us to make the changes we need to. It leads to unhelpful and avoiding techniques that take us away from the solution and push us further into the ditch that we create and expand for ourselves. As the ditch becomes deeper, clawing the way out becomes that much harder.

The spiraling effect of fear can only be overcome by taking action towards the fear and not away from it. Irrespective of how deep the ditch is, the only way towards the light is to take the first step.

How Fear Starts and Perpetrates

“Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid” – Bran Stark

“That is the only time a man can be brave” – Ned Stark

– Game of Thrones

Understanding the manner in which fear starts and then perpetrates towards our deepest subconscious mind is useful in understanding why action is the only option.

Fear takes root with imagination. Just as our creative minds allow us to imagine a great future that pulls us towards creating it, it is also the capability that allows us to create gloomy scenarios. We tend to create these scenarios based on our past experiences, belief systems, and fertile minds, as we paint expectations in a light that seems most convincing to ourselves.

Once this fearful future event has been prophesized in our minds, we start to feel the fear in our bodies. Some feel it in the head, others in the heart area or the gut, and others still feel the fear in every part of their body.

This is what sometimes leads to a paralysis stage where inaction feels like the only choice that we have. Paralysis is not merely an absence of action – sometimes paralysis manifests itself in a surge of energy, albeit in a direction that takes us away from facing the real problem.

The unhelpful actions or inaction while facing fear is what then plummets us into creating mind schemas that we use to create future fears.

How Action Dissipates Fear

Now that we know how fear is a self-propelling emotion, we should be able to comprehend why it is necessary to face it head-on. However, the issue still remains how one is supposed to do that when one is completely overwhelmed with it. Here are some thoughts on what you could try:

• Identify the fear – Define what you are specifically afraid of and then take it to the end conclusion. For example, if you are afraid of being rejected, ask yourself what will happen if you are rejected. Take that thought to the ultimate end that you can perceive.  Will reject me as a friend, then I will be ostracized from the group, and then I will have no friends!
• Cognitive analysis – Even as you feel overwhelmed, question the end result that you are fearing. Is it really the case? What proof do you have that this is what will happen? What other possible options could there be in terms of how things unfold? In the above scenario, how is it inevitable that there will be no friends if one friend rejects?
• Pattern recognition – If you have lived with this fear for a long time, chances are that you would have fallen into a pattern of behavior that is not really helping you overcome this fear. For example, those who are afraid of rejection, often reject the other person assuming that they are better off rejecting them than be rejected.
• Affirmative and Positive action – If you have identified a pattern, the idea is to break away from it consciously. Force yourself to not reject people. In fact, try and move to the other extreme and accept everyone that comes your way even if it means you leave yourself vulnerable for hurt. Chances are you will make some progress in that area and not really go towards the other extreme and arrive at a healthy balance.
• Overcoming the emotion – The biggest hurdle in taking action when it comes to facing fears is the overwhelming feeling that one encounters. There is a simple way to overcome that. Get meticulous and break down the situation to the smallest action that you feel you can push yourself towards. For example, if you are afraid of being rejected and tend to conform too much, think of the smallest way in which you can establish your individualism and do that. It might mean saying no to a party that everyone is going to or deciding where you want to eat when you meet the next time. This is very similar to ‘exposure therapy’ where you start small. If you are scared of being judged, do one small thing where you feel you may be judged, but do it anyway. Wear that dress you feel may be judged as outlandish.
• Reorder your beliefs – This step is extremely essential if you want to make sure that you do not fall into the tarp of a similar fear in another context. As you take the small steps towards facing the fear, note how your fears were unfounded. Make a mental note to look at the positive side and acknowledge the fact that you always have an option. For example, you may yet be rejected by a friend and ostracized from a group, but you always have a choice of making new friends that enjoy and cherish the real you!

Some of these steps can get tough when emotions overpower you. It helps to have someone who can throw some light on alternate perspectives and support you in your attempt to take affirmative action towards facing your fears. Get in touch if you want to uncover the fears that are holding you back in your journey!