Ignore all Advice – Dare to Think!

As an empowerment coach, I come across many prospective clients who want me to give them advice on various topics. Irrespective of the area in which they are seeking advice and whether it is something I consider myself adept at or not, I refrain form telling them what to do.

Not only is ‘giving advice’ frowned upon in the coaching circles, I have found it to be totally useless as a means to solving anyone’s issues. And therefore, when someone wants to hire me to give specific solutions, my suggestion to them is to save themselves the time, effort, and money they will definitely need to put into coaching (yes, the process is not easy but it has wonderful results!) and use what Larry Page and Sergey Brin have blessed us with – Google! It has multiple perspectives on potentially all topics under the sun. If not Google, there is surely some self-proclaimed expert who will be willing to give you (their) answers to the problem at hand.

Full Disclosure: I have sometimes felt the pull of the quick and easy buck and wondered to myself – Even if I do give advice, I obviously cannot do any harm since I am coming from a good place. Over the years, I may have even succumbed to a few such clients. But only a few were enough for me to know that giving solutions does not work (at all!). It is a clear case of a lose-lose situation because it left me with a feeling of being an ineffective coach, something that is a huge blow to be able to hold the space and having the confidence in the future!

What is the Issue with Taking Advice?

Another Person’s Advice is not Applicable

Most advice that you receive from someone else is not applicable. You may think that the other person has experience in the area that you are working in and therefore assume that they know better. While some people may have gone through similar situations that you are going through, the situations are not the same.

For example, if you are seeking advice on a business matter, you may need to remind yourself about the many differences that exist between your situation and theirs. Some of these differences could be geography, target audience, country, industry, generation, technological development, and many such variables.

When it comes to personal situations the variables increase manifold. No person’s experience can be the same as yours. Acknowledge that you are a completely unique person and that your personality, feelings, beliefs, and actions can never be the same as another’s.

In many cultures and societies, emotions were considered as a base and animalistic. A gentleman was someone who could behave appropriately at all times, irrespective of what he was feeling inside. A lady was some who could be absolutely poker faced even if she was going through some crazy emotional turmoil. This was mainly because emotional behavior or exhibition conveyed a week mind that is unable to control emotions.

Taking Advice is not Taking Responsibility

Often it is easy to just listen to what someone else is saying and do it without asking questions. This often happens when we are too tired, frustrated, or emotionally strung to make sensible decisions on our own. However, taking someone’s advice is not the solution.

We also tend to take advice when we are too scared to take the responsibility of our decisions. Allowing ourselves to be told what to do gives us a scapegoat so that we can always say, ‘I just did what he/she/they said’. Being able to say that at a later time if things do not work, does not change the situation that the advice did not work for you and that you are back to square one with the issue that you had!

If sheer laziness is what is making you ask for advice from others, then maybe you want to think about the amount of time you will allow to pass till you start doing things in a manner that will help you!

The only way in which you can find your own solutions is to think on your own. A life coach or an empowerment coach can help you in this by asking the right questions, holding a non-judgmental space, and providing support.

I end this post with a challenge that was put out there by Emmanuel Kant – Sapere Aude (Dare to Know). If you have the courage to know yourself, and understand your own mind, you can find your solutions with a little help. The question is only if you have that courage and openness!

PS: People will still give you advice and it is good to listen to what they have to say. It gives you different perspectives. However, listening to others people’s advice is not the same as applying it to your situation and doing exactly as they did. The information you get from others can be used very fruitfully as data that goes into your own decision-making process to find your own solutions.